Disappointment

I've gone through life thinking that I'd be a wiser and better me by the age of 20. That hasn't happened, and I have one year left to become that wiser and better person. I look at myself now, and I couldn't help but feel repulsion and disappointment. Instead of improving, I have degraded into someone that I no longer recognize. I have become a person who cringes at herself in the mirror. Who cannot wait to take a mercy stab at her own heart. If change was so difficult, then how is it that the degradation of morals was as easy and instant as a single hair snapping in between trembling fingers.

I look at myself and say there is nothing I am good at, there is nothing I want to be, and there is no future I see.

I am studying a major in which through studying, I have begun to hate. Learning more about the different possible careers didn't expand my horizon, but rather limited my choices...one by one. In fact, I look around and see that there is really nothing I want to do. There is no dream.

What happened to that little girl who felt she could be anything? The girl who believed that hard work paid off? The girl who was interested in living things and living at the same time? The girl who believed that she would be happy?

Time and the experiences in life has killed me.